34 Harsh Truths I've Learned on the Way to 34 Years Old

Today I turn 34. For the fourth year in the row I am writing a piece on my birthday after reflecting on my life. (You can follow the previous ones here: 31, 32, 33). During the 34 years of my life: after writing four books (three on the topic of passion and one of high-performance), working in more than fifteen industries, delivering more than 30 projects and doing lots of stuff, I figured out a few harsh truths about life, career, professionalism and performance. 

Some of these are going to challenge you, some of these are going to make you uncomfortable, you are going to disagree with some of these, but that’s okay. These harsh truths are not supposed to be easy for everyone but these will definitely make you better.

Let’s dive in:

On Passion

1. Passion is not what you think. It is not about getting enthusiastic about a thing you love to do. It is about getting ready to suffer for your worthy ideal. 
2. Success is an edited story. Behind the scenes half is called the struggle. People who share their success stories are telling you the edited story. It is your job to figure out the rest of the picture. 
3. Once you stop demanding instant relief from your discomfort and magical fixes to fundamental questions of life, you will develop a real character and inner peace.
4. There will come a time in your career/life when you realize that: There is nothing wrong with you, Things happen for reasons and sometimes those reasons will not be clear to you, Things will take required time despite your hustle, and you are not in charge of everything.
5. You reserve all the rights of your decisions, life and time. So, don’t get burdened by anyone’s expectations.
6. Do not postpone something with an assumption that your future self will handle it because you will get wiser, better and energetic. This is a trick your brain is playing to avoid the discomfort of taking action now. Do not fall in this trap. Act now with whatever you already have.
7. Things always look worse before you encounter them. There are always more wolves howling in the dark before they get counted. You need to face your fears. Once you do it, you will find them less horrifying than what you have imagined in your head.
8. Remember: When you are busy making ‘excuses’. Someone somewhere is working on ‘execution’.
9. The sad truth is that most people spend the majority of their lives putting off the things that matter most to them.
10. Whenever you start something, remember the fact that failure is always an option. In fact, it is the most likely outcome.
11. Three bitter truths you need to constantly remind yourself: You are not as important as you think, you are not as good (at what you do) as you think, you know too little about the world around and in you.

On Professionalism

1. You will receive three wake up calls in your career: Wake Up Call 1: Nobody will come to help you. Wake Up Call 2: You are the one you need to bet on. Wake Up Call 3: You are the CEO of your career.
2. Whatever you choose to do in life, you need to pay the cost. A willingness to trade off traditional comforts – time, sleep, easy money, fame, social presence – lies at the heart of every great work. Sometimes cost is more, sometimes less but there is always significant sacrifice required to be the best in the field.
3. Your level of success is directly proportional to the number of rejections you can live with comfortably.
4. What did it take to become a professional? Everything you have.
5. To become a successful professional for a long period of time, you need to stay underemployed in the short run. So, you can find time for research, personal grooming and mastering your craft as well.
6. While dealing with others you should remember that they are always thinking about this: What’s in it for me?
7. You cannot do everything for everyone. You should not try to solve all the problems of every person you meet. Trying to do that will only distract you away from what you can do best.
8. Trying to take everyone on board before starting a project is a sure-fire formula to never start the project.
9. Your career is a sum of your choices. Take care of the choices, no matter how small it looks, you make in your life and you will have a legendary career.
10. Success in any profession is less about the quality of your work and more about the quality of your communication.
11. No matter what stories you tell to yourself and others that you are busy in doing this and that, your calendar shows you and others the truth behind those narratives. Your personal calendar never lies.

On Performance

1. You control nothing but influence everything.
2. A brutal fact of high-performance is that hours and hours of practice can count for nothing if at the all-important moment you present yourself tense and incoherent.
3. Calendar and checklist are the best tools for optimizing your performance. But every now and then, you should ask the question: What am I optimizing for? Misery or Mastery?
4. We are missing millions of daily miracles just because we are always hustling towards achieving the next target.
5. You cannot do everything and definitely you cannot do everything NOW.
6. Once you accept the fact that ‘Urgencies are not emergencies’, you will start finding lots of time for important work and will live a stress-free life.
7. Your work ethics are an exact reflection of your rest ethics. Quality of your work is dependent on the quality of rest you get.
8. ‘No’ to anyone’s request is not equal to arrogance. ‘Yes’ to anyone’s request is not equal to kindness. 
9. Most people get more tired of breaks than they were tired because of their work. It is because of our unhealthy ways of taking breaks. We should learn how to use our free time and how to take rest.
10. The more you enhance your performance, the more you will find cracks in yourself. You need to learn the art of self-acceptability. You should understand that becoming ‘Better You’ is no mere matter of racing to beat the person you were the day before. Instead, it is also about becoming the best person you could be right now. 
11. No matter how much you achieve or acquire, at the end of the day the secret of a happy high-performing life is: Chop Wood, Carry Water. It is a reminder that you need to enjoy the mundane tasks of life. Enjoying the basic and boring tasks of life is the ultimate secret of staying high-performer in the long run. 

On Death

1. Death is the ultimate equalizer. It is nearer than near. It is not something that will come at the end of life but it is a constant and ever present feeling. As Marcus Aurelius said, “How many with whom I came into the world have already left!” 

Death is the promise made by our soul to our creator. Our existence is inconsequential in the larger scheme of things so, stop worrying about tomorrow and start living your life right now. 

So here I am 34 and still trying to discover more truths of life as Marcus Aurelius puts it, “If anyone can refute me – show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective – I’ll gladly change. It’s the truth I’m after, and the truth never harmed anyone.” 

Make a great life ahead.